Spending Quality time with Family

Amidst the chaos and uncertainties around this “covid era”, people are more than ever contemplating on how they spend Quality time with family. Although we keep hearing this term, I am always curious about what the “quality time with family” actually means. One day when I was winding up my daily Work-From-Home routine, my daughter Aishani came to me and asked ” Papa, come lets play. Lets do something that is fun for you and also fun for me”. Wow, it struck me at this moment on the most important aspects of quality time, a time spent doing that is fun for all parties involved.

Spending time should be fun. Many a times, we are not 100% there. Physically yes, but mentally still worried about that issue at work or personal concerns. I had read one article about how Satya Nadella, Microsoft CEO, spends his time with family. After work once he walks through the door of their home, he becomes a family man and no longer a CEO of the Trillion dollar company. Being there for the family with complete 100% physical and mental presence and engagement. Being fully present should definitely be a pre-requisite for quality time. If the CEO of such a mammoth organization can switch like this, I am sure we all can.

What activities we can include that we can give our 100% and that which is fun for everyone. On this pursuit of identifying a “shared” interest, I tried to draw a triple Venn diagram, each circle for me, my wife and daughter. Each one of us wrote their favorite fun ways to spend their time, and then we tried to see the common interests. We did manage to identify our “Reuleaux triangle” (intersection of the 3 circles). This was an interesting exercise and I encourage everyone to try this at home. If anything, its good to at least think through about what really interests you.

In pursuit of understanding different perspectives, I also did a survey on what it means to others, in my WeChat friends circle. I got very good responses from more than 20 friends. Top of the list was about Food. Cooking and dining together was the most important activity for several folks. No wonder many families ensure that the whole family has at least one meal together every day. Its the perfect bonding time, enjoying the good food and the lovely conversations around it. Cooking together, more so during the work from home or lockdown phases of life, brings out different personalities out of everyone. Celebrating birthdays and anniversary dinners is fantastic way to spend the most important days of our lives together as family.

Second on the list was related to Travel. Some inclined to visit seaside locations, or explore a new destination together as family, going on a long drive, enjoying a beautiful scenic landscape together. This goes to show how important it is to regularly undertake family vacations. Exploring something new outside the comforts of our home surely is a great bonding exercise. Something new to experience together; a new culture or cuisine, meeting interesting people and simply having some fun together. Way to go!

Sports and playing indoor games were also important for many folks. During the lockdown period, when the outdoor time is at a premium, families resorted to playing board and card games. We, as a family, have spent many hours playing board games like monopoly, scrabble, etc, and card games like SkyJo, Traffic Oi, Uno, etc. Truly fun and relaxing for both kids and adults alike. Many acknowledged that sports like going on bicycle rides, swimming, hiking or any other form of physical activities are another great bonding time with family. Some folks did also mention watching family movies was a great fun activity for everyone.

Then there were some really deep thoughts that came up in the survey, uncommon perceptions on how and probably why we should spend time with family. One of our good friends Gautham listed 3 items that has profound implications, and I found it to be very thoughtful. First he mentioned it should be “A non-forced focused time on the family” – This could well be made into a text book definition, I thought. Another fantastic point he brought up was “Doing things for first time together-Makes memories-Senses need to be touched somewhere“. Remember the first family trip to that wonderful theme park? Or maybe that great place you visited first time for your family vacation? Or maybe joining a family activity for first time? These first time memories would be permanently etched. Third interesting point he mentioned was about “A focus on marriage. Kids need to see the bond“. When kids see the bond, they will naturally be inclined to keep that bond and carry on to their next generation. This way the “Spending quality time with family” concept moves stealthily from one to the next generation as well.

One other friend mentioned about “Having meaningful conversation with family on a chosen topic“. It could be any topic, sports, science, games, etc. With Spouses and older kids it could be much more profound topics like relationships and philosophy. Yesterday I had some discussions with my daughter on what board games she liked and why, I found the overall discussion very engaging and in the process I got to know her much better. Having daily conversations about life while having the morning coffee or evening tea, lunch or dinner, or any other time will richly strengthen the bond within family. Open up and just talk!

Another fantastic thought came up was about “Learning and teaching stuff“. Parents like me despise the thought of having to help kids with their homework, teaching the academic subjects, etc. Some parents though enjoy teaching and try to make it a fun process for kids. There could also be situation when the parent becomes student and the child, a teacher. In my case, my daughter would open up her Mandarin text book and try to teach me some words. I do enjoy it, and it seems she enjoys it too, this way both of us improve. I have to do this more often though. Key take away is that the Teacher Student role play could be used as an important activity to spend good time with family.

In summary, it all boils down to what is “fun” for all the parties involved. If its not fun, one would only half-heartedly participate and not give in a complete 100%. The time must also be not forced one, otherwise it doesn’t yield “quality”. A 3 item checklist. So here goes my “textbook” definition of spending time with family or for that matter with anyone: “A non-forced focused time on the family, where all the participants truly enjoy what they are doing together and are completely present both physically and mentally“. Do let me know your thoughts!