What’s in it for me?

The other day while driving to office, I saw a two-wheeler moped fully loaded with empty plastic bags (mostly some oil packets), and a thought came to my mind: Why don’t all of us try to collect these waste plastic bags and take it somewhere? But then, where? More specifically, why would I do it? Is it about the purpose? Or is it about that selfish feeling What’s in it for me? In a society dominated by me-first attitude, I am always in awe of folks doing social service, letting others go first, being kind to nature, people and life in general. Most of us, though, worry first about ourselves, and gauge a situation from the point of maximizing our benefit.

Let’s blame this selfishness to human evolution, shall we? Evolution, by definition, is a me-first process. The goal of the evolution is to continuously improve a given species, sadly sometimes, at the expense of others. Survival of the fittest is a euphemism for “me-first” attitude. We have been selfish to ensure the human species continues to exist for millennia. However, like laziness, the other trait coming off the evolutionary process, the selfishness is becoming a curse for the current generation of Homo Sapiens. Kindness and selflessness are becoming the most sought-after traits for leaders at every level. EQ (Emotional quotient) is getting more important for a leader than IQ (Intelligence Quotient). Books like “Leaders eat last” by influential speaker Simon Sinek and “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ” profess the role of empathy in leadership and life in general. “What’s in it for others” seems to be more profound and gratifying.

In the book “Never Split the difference” written on how to negotiate better, author Chriss Voss shares his real-life experiences as former FBI hostage negotiator in complex situations. During a regular negotiation process, we always have this “What’s in it for me” thought. Chris Voss suggests that although we need to look out for ourselves, we should also understand what the other party’s underlying desire is. Why are they doing what they are doing? Understand and think along the lines of what’s in it for them and try to broker a deal in an empathetic manner. Aim for a win-win situation.

Some species have gone extinct, some are going extinct, and others might go extinct in the future, mostly due to the excess need and greed of the Homo Sapiens race. Personally, I haven’t cared much about other species, basking in the glory (or pride should I say?) of being the Human being. But then we start to realize that the ecosystem has been built by several players, not just us humans. We are who we are, evolved through and connected with other species, in a complex system. Losing our co-conspirators in the long scheme has been, is and always will take a toll on our species. We don’t see what’s in it for me, right now, but in future, us or our future generation will bear the cost of this question. It’s time for us sapiens to get our act together and understand what’s in it for all of us.

Finance is another long-term aspect that we try to overlook and destroy with the “What’s in it for me” question. Lot of financial products like insurance-based investment plans and home/car/personal loans are sold to gullible customers, by painting a rosy picture in the not-so-distant future. A happy retirement, or an amazing lifestyle, and what not. These products have a clear “What’s in it for you” picture and easy buy-in’s. However, a long-term wealth building exercise of Mutual funds and other equity investments don’t show such a great picture; they don’t have a promising picture, at least in the short term. Until few years back, it was painted more as a risky investment than a worthwhile wealth creating instrument. The dreaded phrase of “Mutual funds are subject to market risk, read all scheme related documents carefully“, uttered in a fast-forward fashion only scared off the general folks. If the mutual fund industry had clearly answered the question of “What’s in it for me” over a longer run, a lot of folks would have got into the system and stayed in it for long time. Things have changed a lot now though, with the younger generation realizing the benefits and what’s in it for them.

In terms of health, we all know what’s in it for me, to exercise, to control diet, and to meditate. Although the answer is well known, a lot of us do not do it regularly. Unless the question becomes stronger, with respect to bad health reports, or obvious symptoms. When that happens, we switch to the “There is so much in it for me” mode. Sadly, this also stops when the problem is solved in the short term. I have a cervical spondylosis, and I realize that I need to do neck exercises when I start getting head/neck pains. When in good condition, this pain is easily forgotten (blame it on the brain for erasing the bad memories!). These days, after lot of such episodes, I have understood there is so much for me in doing these exercises and thankfully have been consistent since couple of months to devote 7-10 minutes every day.

As parents, we all know how the story shifts from “What’s in it for me” to “What’s in it for my kid?“. The activities that didn’t excite us one bit, say movies, parks, suddenly become part of our regular routine. Although we are not gaining much per se, we continuously gauge the benefits to our kids. It’s no more just me, it’s us! As parents, we take extra efforts of dropping and picking kids for special classes, because we understand how it impacts their health and happiness. We put their best interests ahead of ours, in terms of planning get togethers, holidays, celebrations. Their future, their happiness, their health and wellness matter more than anything in the whole world. We normally extend this to our close family members like parents, siblings and relatives. The goal should be for this kindness and selflessness to extend into this profound philosophical concept of Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam (“The world is one family”).

It’s perfectly human to ask the “What’s in it for me” question. But often times, we need to think deeper and ask ourselves “What’s in it for this other person or this other life” – Humanity not in pure evolutionary terms, but in textbook definition terms. Finally, I hope this blog had something in it for you! Please do let me know your thoughts!